GMARO Magazine Spread
If I’m being honest with myself, my cup was empty from let’s say August 2022 up until July 2023. Little did I realize that a big dramatic change would cause me to not be myself. What I mean is; your surroundings, your environment, your acquaintances and your mental health can all play a part in your level of growth.
Personally, I feel as though I have been stagnant for the past year. Stagnant meaning I have been so stuck in a cycle that I didn’t know how to get myself out it. This cycle was waking up around 6 AM taking a shower, putting my breakfast and/or lunch together for work, going to work, going to the gym, coming home going to sleep, waking up the next day and doing it all over again. There was very little joy or purpose in what I was doing within the past 11 months. Granted, I have made a few friends that have gotten me out of the house and are helping me to get out of the shell that I put myself in but it’s not enough. My cup is still empty. Recently I went to Atlanta for about a week and a half to visit my sister my two nieces and some other family members. Within that week and a half I felt so sad because I knew at some point I would have to leave to go back to where I felt stuck.
Lately, nothing has been inspiring me. I’ve been working on making my condo a home, but even while working on that it still feels like somethings missing. At some point, I’ll be able to get myself out of this funk, but I know a change needs to happen. It’s been one year and five months since my break up of an 11 year relationship. I put a lot of myself and a lot of my value into my relationship yet I walked away from it which caused me to feel even more worthless and empty. The love is still very much there but I put it in God’s hands for Him to work it out. In the meantime, I have to figure out how to refill my cup. If I’m being honest, I really want to have an eat pray love experience. Meaning I am OK with not working for a whole year, travel and be around family. I want to experience what life has to offer, so that I can regain who I am. But these bills and these expenses and the experiences that I want to have consist of me needing a source of income. So I’m on a journey to find a way to create an eat pray, love experience in this cycle that I feel stuck in. I think my first step needs to be letting go. Let go of the things that do not serve me. Those things would consist of situationships that are one-sided, over spending (income) what I don’t have, trying to keep up with social media trends even though they do not speak to me as well as not continuing to overextend myself beyond my mental and physical capacity.
Refilling my cup is way too important simply because I feel lost and I personally think I look lost. When my cup was full and overflowing, I saw a difference in my physical appearance as well as in my mental health. On the outside, you could see that I was happy. There was a glow on my face and a lightness in my walk. I felt encouraged and enriched and embraced. Mainly due to my home, felt like home. And the love I had filled my entire heart. Granted they were some days and some moments where there were a bit of obstacles to have to overcome. But once I was able to overcome those obstacles, home was at peace. I need to get back to creating peace at home wherever I am.
Now that I’ve been able to identify what is keeping me feeling stuck I am on a heightened task to get unstuck and start to refill my cup. It takes one step at time. One moment after another . One conquered obstacles after another. Doing things that bring you joy, peace and happiness. Remembering that I am rooted in love and abundance.
In due time I will regain that level of peace and have a new age version of eat, pray, love. In the meantime, I’m going to continue fighting to fill my cup.
Special thanks to GMARO magazine for reminding me to continue pushing through in their August 2023.
