Crazy Faith
Let Me Be Honest
You ever just want to scream? I mean scream loud enough for others to hear the level of insane frustration in your voice and loud enough as a cry for help?
Well yeah, that’s me right now. I recently made a commitment that I’m BEYOND excited about. Like I can’t wait to get started with it. This one opportunity has been something I’ve dreamed of doing and wanting to be apart of. This opportunity helps me to have a closer walk with God, to be around like minded people who uplift each other and to flex my creative muscle in a way that will also help me to execute these manifestations I’ve been working on.
After I made up my mind, applied and moved forward with the process, it’s been an extreme roller coaster ever since. “Antoinette, what do you mean? Roller coaster, how?” Well, there has been so many things happening that are causing me to be overwhelmed, anxious, scared and stressed OUT. Let me be real honest and transparent for a moment. Life is has been lifing all 2025 long and we are only about 45 days into the year!!!
Girl, Say What?!
Let me breakdown my top three stressors right now:
Stressor #1. I just bought a house and the number of problems that need immediate attention that also cost a minimum of $2,800 to $26,000 for each issue is mind blowing. Apart of me wishes I waited longer and kept looking while the other side of me knew that interest rates were going to increase and I’d loss my window of opportunity to get a good mortgage. My goal with my house is to live comfortably and not be house poor. There is a future investment I am seeking to do and need to ensure my housing is stable. I know this investment will pay off and it will make good however it hurts to know that right now in this moment I can’t enjoy my house the way I really want to.
Stressor #2. Work has been, let’s say, emotionally exhausting. Yes, I’m an introvert so many times I have to crank up my social battery just to get through the day and handle grown adults that act like daycare children when I really just want to be in my own creative space with a green oat matcha and calm music resonating in the background working with a team (hybrid) of individuals who are passionate about what they do. In addition, my drive to work is typically 38-45 mins but now that most WFH employees are being forced back into the office, my commute has been an 1 -1.5 hour drive one way.
Stressor #3. Over the years I’ve been able to create a comfortable financial cushion for myself for just in case circumstances and building a foundation for my future. Unfortunately, with these immediate home emergencies, my cushion is now depleted. I’m tied between getting a temporary part-time position to aid in bouncing back or doing more paid brand deals with brands that aren’t necessarily in my wheelhouse with a net 30-90 day. I’ve already made sacrifices to acquire my home but with the temperature of the current state of America, I just might have to make additional sacrifices in order to afford the increase of basic expenses like groceries, gasoline and even electricity. What I've been looking to do (working on a plan in the background) is replenish, rebuild and stack up for just in case situations. In a way I'm excited to bounce back and create a comfortable cushion. It will force me to exercise my creative skills and continue growing my portfolio. The unknown is scary but I know it I’ll be rewarding.
Ask, Seek, Knock
Matthew 7: verse 7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. verse 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
A Revolution
One February morning at 6 am while driving in my car to work, I normally turn on Spotify and listen to music (either Neo Soul or a mixture from Spotify DJ X). Music is my second joy. It really helps me to feel calm, think through my process and escape for a while. This particular morning after a night of a potential gas leak scare (which ended up yielding to two other issues to handle), I decided to play a YouTube video and listen to a recording of my church service that I missed. At this moment, I couldn’t think straight and needed something to speak to my heart instead of helping me to escape from the feeling.
While listening to the recording from Tabernacle of Praise Church International, I heard apart of the segment that really hit home for me. The plot of the sermon was about Elevation. From mental elevation, to physical elevation, to emotional elevation, to financial elevation and especially spiritual elevation. Yet in the midst of you elevating yourself and manifesting your goals/ dreams; you will be faced with unspeakable challenges that may cause you to want to give up and revert back to old habits that you elevated away from. There is a saying, that every time you try to do good in your life, there is always something or someone trying to pull you back down. Who would have thought a simple YES to glorify the Kingdom of God would cause me to have turmoil over the past 30 days.
Yet I rise and begin to express a level of crazy faith. Just like they did in Jericho and walked around the wall 7 times until it fell down. So I put my head up, pushed my shoulders back and told God that I’m all in!! The goals and dreams I have for myself now and in the future require me to step out of my comfort zone and take leaps of faith towards building a stronger foundation. A foundation of love, support, compassion, wisdom, silence, strength and understanding. Each moment of the day I’m watering my foundation and the roots will begin to take form. You can’t see a tree bare fruit if the soil is dry. With tears, I promise myself to keep going, keep kneeling the soil and overtime the tree will grow, begin to blossom and bare fruit. Yet all of this takes time. Anything worth having for the long haul requires patience, dedication and commitment. I am committed to my commitment and will move in crazy faith.
Faith Like a Mustard Seed
As a result, of exercising crazy faith, one of my home issues was resolved free of charge!!! I began working on a new financial strategy which will allow me to create two non toxic work environments and lead a team progressively towards their own goals and objectives. During one of the service emergencies for my home, the gentle giant that answered the emergency call encouraged me in a way I haven’t been encouraged before without even knowing I really needed it. Everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to, just have crazy faith and believe that it will be so.